Posted in Outreach

Playing “Small”

For some years, I suffered a lot of self-doubt. The interesting thing is I had no idea this was happening. I thought I was being humble, not wanting to show-off and stuff like that. I had no idea that I was slowly slipping into a state of mind that would affect me adversely in all ramifications, including my relationships.

There are several examples of this happening which I didn’t realise, including my refusal to voice my opinions on topics in meetings or elsewhere because of my presumption that most of my views on such topics were foolish or mundane. Then, a colleague would stand up and say something less intelligent with so much confidence to the applause of others. At that point, I would cringe and tell myself: ‘Hey, you have more intelligent points!’ Even then, my mouth would remain sealed because of what I thought was being humble.

Or is it the numerous times I’d be called to speak publicly and I’ll stylishly decline just because I wasn’t sure I was good enough to talk on any matter at all? The times I managed to honour such invitations, the next couple of days after the talk would have me wondering if I imparted any wisdom to my audience, doubting myself and finally concluding that I wasn’t that good enough. And if I or anyone pointed out a mistake I made, I’ll beat myself up so bad and just go back to my shell.

The root of the issue, I guess, is that I’m sort of a perfectionist. So, until I feel something is perfect, I’m never confident/proud enough of it to put it out there. This is also a problem because I rarely feel anything is perfect so… One of my friends had (still does have) such confidence that just amazes me. It’s one thing I admire about her. All she needs to do is have an idea on how to do something and the next thing she does is add it to her portfolio! I’ve watched her over the years grow excellently in things she learnt from the scratch. I’ve also seen through her life how confidence gets one to places that skill overshadowed by timidity wouldn’t get one to.

The key thing is: be confident in yourself and your abilities. Don’t downplay yourself for anything or anyone and never look down on yourself. Own who you are, especially when you are on the right path of positivity and greatness, own it with your chest. Be proud of who you are and what you’ve achieved so far. In today’s world, people who showcase themselves and their talents actually excel, make great progress and often, have the best connections. Whatever your profession – an artist, scientist, scribbler, designer, decorator… own your craft, even if you are at the start of your journey. Have you been graced with intelligence? be proud of it. You don’t have to shrink yourself to feel accepted. If God has made you stand out in whatever way, be proud of it and loud it, or at the very least accept it when it’s been louded. Please, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a call to be arrogant or boastful, understand the difference and know where and when to draw the line.

So, this is me – Faeren – an author, medical doctor, stunner, teens’ advocate, writer and a lady crazy about God. I’m an administrator sometimes. Oh, and I also love a good chit-chat.

Who are you? Feel free to write it in the comments.

“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

Matthew 5:14-16

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