“I can’t perform this task, I’m not good enough…
There are better, even older people, I’m too young…
I need to be perfect to lead the group…”
These and more are what we tell ourselves often time. We forget that it’s not about us, but about the one sending us.
Some weeks back, I was called to lead the choir of my church. Oh, how I wailed and gave excuses: “I am an amateur, I can’t sing like Beyonce or Sinach, I don’t even know how to lead a choir, I need to be tutored by someone, I don’t have a high pitched voice, I’m comfortable being a backup singer, in fact I just want to be part of the audience”.
All I was concerned about was my state of imperfection (considering that I’m a perfectionist of sorts or better put, I’m a lover of perfectionism). I wasn’t even bothered about the lesson(s) to be learnt through this experience neither did it occur to me that maybe, just maybe, this was (is) also a part of my growth process.
The next Sunday at church, I could tell that the sermon was just for me alone. Oh, it sank deep, it all began to make sense. I listened as the words, like bullets, tore into my being with force.
The disciples said, “There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?”
“Tell everyone to sit down,” Jesus said.
So they all sat down on the grassy slopes. (The men alone numbered about 5,000.)
Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and distributed them to the people. Afterward he did the same with the fish. And they all ate as much as they wanted.
John 6:9-11 NLT
The story of how Jesus fed over 5000 people never gave me a deeper revelation like that Sunday as I listened to the sermon.
The disciples only saw their insufficiency. We could say, they were shortsighted. But as Jesus blessed that snack, it became the meal for the century.
As long as we remain stagnant, as long as we don’t use our talents or gifts, as long as we keep thinking we aren’t good enough to start up something, (as long as I keep thinking I can’t sing well enough or those other excuses), we will remain like the snack in the hands of the little boy – just five loaves of bread and two fish.
The moment we realise that we are usable, that God blesses and prospers our talents, that you can be an amateur singer yet heal souls and save generations for God… Oh, the moment you understand that it’s not about your insufficiency but about your faith in the all sufficient one who has called you, as soon as you put your five loaves of bread and two fish in God’s hands, then you will see God using your meagre meal (talent) to bless nations.
You are enough, just the way you are. Start that project or for those who have already started but are in doubt, keep at it. You will get better on the job while at the job – just trust God to be God!
P.S – Well, what do you know? I accepted my “call” and my meagre five loaves and two fish; hmmmm – to be continued…