Please take the time to read this till the end, I’m not going to preach and I’ll try as much as possible not to get boring.
Thank you Fafa for the opportunity to write for your blog, which by the way is not ONLY for teenagers. I was starting to feel old when I saw the name of the blog. Lol! But then I found solace in remembering that Fafa is not a teen (you didn’t hear it from me), so I got comfortable. Abeg Fafa, allow us *clears throat* the older generation feel among…
Ok, I’m done. Unto business.
I’m a girl, so I’m going to do most of this article from MY perspective. No vex.
I went to a boarding school and then for the short time I was in the tertiary institution before I came here, I was staying in the hostel too. So, I always thought I had gone through all the tolerance tests and I could live and relate with anyone. Mehnn, I deceived myself no be small, coming to Russia has changed that thought.
Living and relating with people is hard!
Sometimes I wonder why here, where there are fewer Nigerians than back home, it’s harder to flow with everyone. Back home, I had many friends. One would think, it would be really easy to make friends and adjust here.
So why is it hard? Why can’t I flow with at least half of the population of Nigerians here?
I hear a lot of “she gives me attitude , “she doesn’t know how to talk” (I know – girl drama) or “we just don’t roll”. Everyone wants to be the victim, we want to be the one that was not greeted, the one that was looked at some type of way, the one that was served food last at the last gathering, the one that cleans the room most, the one with the family issues and the most personal problems. Did you greet and you didn’t get a response? What law says you must be greeted first? You have God, why do you think your problems are the most? Why do you think all other families have things easy? You are offended she didn’t greet you, she is also offended you didn’t greet her. Everyone becomes an offender because ‘Hi’ is very difficult to say sincerely. Why must we complicate life more than it already is?
No, it’s not human nature to always play the ‘victim’. Don’t even think about that or use it as a ready excuse to justify yourself.
I’m saying these many things, because as small and petty as they seem, they build up and we start to react unknowingly and unnecessarily to other things and people as a result. Believe it or not, no big problem just dropped from the sky in that size. One thing led to another and we are here. You decided to give her space because she doesn’t greet you but the day she greets you, answering becomes difficult. Why? Because that ‘space’ has gotten so wide and blinding it’s almost discomforting to have things change for good.
I have come to realize that communication and sensitivity is very, very important in dealing with one another. To tolerate anyone, you have to be able to, at least, say “hi” freely to the person. Greet, if not for anything, because you have a mouth that works. Don’t wait to be greeted.
Before you make any decision or conclusion about anyone in your head, look at things from every possible angle. Do not be quick to know it all and be in the right; which brings me to my next point:
Do not take other people’s opinion(s) of someone as the person’s life story if you haven’t taken the time to build your own opinion of the person. Everybody has an opinion.
Be someone you can relate with. If you don’t talk about your personal life with someone, don’t expect them to tell you about theirs. Don’t be quick to say “abeg o, she is a very shady person she doesn’t tell me anything”. Do you tell them about yourself? How does that work? There has to be balance in everything. Friendships and relationships require as much balance as possible. On his birthday you didn’t call him, but on yours he should call and come visit.
Quickie: what you feel today (your birthday), he felt on his as well.
Be sensitive, you see a ‘friend’ with a long face; you conclude she was carrying face for you.
Why not ask how the person is doing?, if you don’t get a good feedback, don’t think too much of it. Give it time. If it still bothers you that you were answered some type of way, do not assume or conclude. Ask again. If you still don’t get a good response, it’s ok. Don’t dwell on it. Move on. Put that person in your prayers. Like I said earlier, you can’t be best friends with everyone so don’t expect everything from everyone.
Also, don’t for once expect people to think or do things like you do. You know to invite people to meals because it’s polite, some other school of thought says it’s rude to invite someone to a meal when you don’t have enough for the other company. Everyone is different, it is very wrong to expect the same reaction from everyone. Of course, there is some level of understanding you expect everyone to have but if some people don’t have it, will you kill yourself?
Lastly, Communicate! Talk about things. If you feel offended by someone’s action, never assume they should know that you were offended. Only God is God! Do you read minds?! No? Congratulations! You are human like the rest of us and so when you don’t like how you were spoken to or reacted to, TALK about it! That is the only way to avoid misunderstanding now and later.
Sometimes it’s hard to talk about stuff, because we want to avoid confrontation or we are too sure we are right. Try to talk , it has proven to be much better than holding a grudge or keeping it all in.
As long as we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and look at things from different angles, tolerance would be easy.
I’m officially done now.
I’m not an expert in these things, Infact I’m still learning a whole lot. All I have written is just an expression of my yeye mind.
Please comment: express your views and opinions, I’m very open to constructive criticisms and good-reasoning.
Thank you for reading.